Family Secrets

By Pastor Tracey Leslie

About this Sermon Series:
Church should be a place where we can share our human struggles and receive support and encouragement.  We are relational creatures; created by a relational God.  Through this series, I want to encourage churches to cultivate a community of openness.  We can be conduits for God’s grace and provide support, encouragement, and help to one another in our struggles.

Scripture:  Genesis 27:18-27a, 30-35
 
My clergy sister, Lore Blinn Gibson, has a passion for ministry with addiction recovery and support.  You can see the announcement in your program this morning regarding an upcoming healing service for those affected by addiction at Grace UMC.  A couple weeks ago, Lore sent an email out to several clergy.  In reply, one shared the story of their own family’s struggle with addiction; another shared that a Methodist pastor in our conference endured the pain of a child who overdosed and, through that tragedy he has been in ministry with others. 
 
Many of you know my dad was also a pastor and, when I was growing up, it would have been highly unusual for a pastor to disclose that a family member suffered from addiction.  In the cultural context in which I was raised, the admonishment of 1st Timothy was often quoted and staunchly applied to all clergy:  “He must manage his own household well, keeping his children submissive and respectful in every way – for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church?”[i]  There is, thankfully, more openness in our culture today.  And yet still; there are many in our churches that feel shame and pain because their families are broken and they are fearful of sharing their struggles and brokenness with their brothers and sisters in Christ. 
 
I will be honest.  When I was young and first entered the ministry, I had a dream; a dream of a faith community where people could be open and honest about who they are and really share their lives with one another.  But I’ve discovered over the years that church is, in fact, one of the last places where people feel they can be open and honest about their struggles.  That openness, intimacy and encouragement are more likely to be found in parachurch organizations; support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous.  In my August newsletter article, I shared the story of the community mail art project, Post Secret.  It is a venue for people to anonymously share a secret that is absolutely true and has never been shared before.  Now, because I talked about it in the newsletter and on my blog, I’m not going to dig into the whole Post Secret phenomenon this morning.  But it got me thinking that something really does need to change in the church – not just Trinity Church – but Church with a capital “C” because the world and our churches are filled with people who carry secrets that weigh them down with loneliness, shame, fear and regret and that is not what God intended for us. 
 
In Genesis, chapter 2, after God creates the man and places him in the garden, God evaluates and says, “It is not good that the human should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner.” It’s a shame that scripture is often restricted to wedding ceremonies because it has a broader, deeper meaning: as human creatures we were designed with an innate need for one another’s help and support.  God built us for relationship; not for pretense and social niceties; but for honest and authentic community.
 
This morning, I want to talk about family secrets.  The scripture I shared just a moment ago really begins with Genesis, chapter 12, when God reveals himself to an old shriveled up man named Abram.  God pronounces blessing over Abram: promises of children, land, and descendents.  God changes his name to Abraham and promises that Abraham will be a source of blessing for all families to come throughout history.  In time, Abraham and his elderly wife, Sarah, have a son Isaac and Isaac’s wife Rebekah gives birth to twin boys, Jacob and Esau.  In time, Jacob also will receive a new name: Israel.  With that name change, he becomes representative of an entire faith community, Judaism; a faith community we, as Christians, are adopted into through the saving work of Christ. 
 
And so, the story of Jacob is our story.  Let me say that again: the story of Jacob is our story.  The family of Jacob is representative of all our families.  Jacob is us and we are Jacob… whether we want to admit it or not. 
 
So let me share, as best I can in a limited time, the story of this family; a family not all that different from our families. 
 
While Jacob’s wife Rebekah was pregnant, she felt these twins wrestling within her womb.  Going to God in prayer, she learned that the twins in her womb would become two nations and that the elder would serve the younger.  When she delivered her boys, Esau passed through the birth channel first.  Jacob, passing through behind him, had latched on to his brother’s heel.  It was the inspiration for his name: Jacob, meaning “grabber.”  And a grabber he was.  As they grew, Esau seemed to be free and easy; a “live in the moment” kind of guy; woodsy and rustic; dad’s favorite.  Jacob was more assertive; a planner and schemer; and a mama’s boy.  They were in competition with one another from the get go. 
 
As father Isaac grew old, the time came to pronounce a blessing over his first born son who would then receive almost the entirety of the family’s inheritance.  Isaac’s vision had failed and so mother Rebekah hatches a plot.  The blessing was to be accompanied by a ceremonial meal.  Esau went out hunting.  He planned to kill and prepare a wonderful meal of wild game for his father.  But Rebekah has Jacob kill an animal from their own domestic herd.  It’s quick and easy.  And, while she prepares the meal, she instructs Jacob to dress in his brother’s clothing and put animal fur on his neck and hands.  Esau must have carried that – well, shall we say, “manly scent” – of those who enjoy working outdoors and given the rarity of baths and laundry in the ancient world, it must have heralded his arrival wherever he went.  Likewise, Esau was a hairy man.  Hair apparently grew down the backs of his hands and neck.  But remember, father Isaac is blind.  He is at the mercy of his other senses.  So Rebekah is confident; if Jacob feels and smells like his brother Esau, he will be able to fool his father; to pull the wool over his eyes – both literally and figuratively.  And so, all is quickly made ready and Jacob goes before his father. 
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Isaac is suspicious.  The voice he hears sounds like Jacob.  But Isaac draws Jacob near; he feels his hands, he sniffs his scent and is finally satisfied.  He pronounces an irrevocable blessing over Jacob, all the while believing he is blessing Esau.  When Esau finally returns and brings the meal before his father, it is a gut-wrenching moment.  Isaac laments; what is done is done and cannot be undone. True to form, Jacob the grabber has snatched his brother’s blessing away from him through trickery and deceit encouraged by his mother. 
 
Now, we mustn’t lose sight of the fact that God has pronounced the triumph of Jacob a foregone conclusion.  There is a theological uniqueness to this story. 
 
But that is not the same as God endorsing deceitful behavior. It brings brokenness to this family that will dog them for decades.  So angry is Esau at his brother that mother Rebekah must send Jacob away to live with relatives, lest brother Esau kill him.  In mom’s hometown, Jacob meets his match in his Uncle Laban.  Their relationship is consistently marked by trickery and deceit; an apparent family trait.  Eventually, Jacob will burn his bridges with his uncle and decide to take the risk of returning home. 
 
Along the way, on the journey back home, one night Jacob is visited by the divine.  He wrestles with a divine being in the night and refuses to release him until he gives Jacob a blessing.  The divine being does bless Jacob and changes his name to Israel, saying: “you have wrestled with God and with humans.”[ii]  Jacob is nothing if not persistent.
 
This divine encounter in the night is the source of the name and identity of the nation of Israel, the Jewish people and, through Jesus; we become a part of that family.  The story of Jacob, as I’ve already noted, is our story. 
 
Like Jacob, we anxiously grab for the things we desire.  Our families, like Jacob’s, can be scarred and fractured by sibling rivalry and desperate competition to win our parent’s favor.  From a place of fear and longing, we sometimes exploit the weaknesses of others.  Down deep, just like Jacob, we all long to be blessed and we will struggle and wrestle with God and with our brothers and sisters to grab at what God offers us freely in Christ.
 
There is gospel – good news – within this story, within this fractured family.  The story’s beginning reminds us: through this family “all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”[iii]  We all have an inherent desire to be blessed; we strive with God and with others as we seek that blessing.  But our deep desire has been God’s plan from the beginning and all our struggles and wrestling do not negate God’s desire, God’s assurance, of blessing.  No matter what chapter of life your family is in right now, even if it is an episode of brokenness and pain, find hope in the beginning of the story for the God we worship promises blessing for all the families of the earth.

And friends, church must be a place where, in the midst of our brokenness, in the midst of our wrestling and striving, we remind one another of that good news; of God’s promised blessing, God’s certain grace.  We are called to be the gracious, encouraging presence of Christ to one another for God built us for relationship; God designed us, from the beginning, to be helpers to one another.  So I want to challenge you – encourage you – in the midst of this sermon series to do more to make our church a place where people do not hide their lives from one another and do not bear their burdens in secret.  Reach out to someone here and get to know them better. 

You know we were built for relationship; but we weren’t built like sports cars.  We can’t go from zero to 60 in seconds and relationships that are truly a support and help to one another don’t develop overnight.  They take time for trust to develop.  So, invite someone to lunch; ask them to join you for a cup of coffee; set up a “play date” with your kids and theirs; go for a walk or a run together because we are built for relationship and God designed us to be helpers to one another.

[i] 1 Timothy 3:4-5.  NRSV.
[ii] Genesis 32:28.
[iii] Gen. 12:3b